"As for youuu, I have no regrets. You weren’t it. I’m sorry but I’m not and honestly, all your niceness and all can’t change my mind. I just don’t feel it. I don’t want to feel awkward about it but I do. I wish you never called me out about it. Should’ve left it alone if you knew better because it accomplished nothing. Instead, it heightened the awkwardness. GJ.
Meow.
Sadly I don’t care about you but I care about ____…oiii."
This is the thing I was afraid of most...knowing exactly how you will respond to the situation. I don't think you've realized some of the truths of the world yet. Ignorance is bliss, after all. Quite frankly, your immaturity and justification has helped me realize that there are people in this world who needs to be forgiven and who simply needs to learn.
I try very hard to help and please the right people in this world; I mean well, I really do. But sometimes, these intentions are misinterpreted and the wrong people at the wrong time get the wrong message. I've never felt so much contempt for anyone as much as I have today and will probably for the next lifetime. Initially, I thought I have cleared up the air and the misconceptions floating around between us. I thought the whole point of our conversation was that I am not who you were after the whole time. But today, what I have read completely defied the purpose of the letter and talk. I know it's unhealthy and immorally wrong to be prying into other people's businesses and thinking because well...it isn't even mine in the first place. She reminds me that no one is the reason of your happiness except yourself. I'm glad she got to say what she said because otherwise I would be living in this lie. Better to walk in on the truth than live in a lie, right?
I gave you every benefit of the doubt to least understand me that day and acknowledge the circumstance and situation. And yet, you told me this and that but you thought the otherwise. And I think we both have overestimated each other's differences, misconstruing our relationship as maybe for something else. I wanted to leave no regrets in it's wake that day. I'm happy to know that you feel the same way. But seriously, no need to remind and tell me that I should have known better when it was something I've clearly stated from the beginning of our talk. That was the purpose and reason why I've asked you out to begin with, no? Apparently, you didn't get it. In the end of all it, you didn't know better; you remained you. The person who I once thought that she could have done better. You once again, sold yourself short.
I know I'm flying off the handle about this but I am sincerely distraught and in utter dismay about this recent finding. I am a terrible human being and you will always have every right to be angry at me for finding this out. But truthfully speaking, I felt that day was not as honest and genuine. Rather, it was just this big cover up and a repeat of history, the history where you pretended to care (or lack thereof). Now that I think about it, I should have ended this game at a much earlier stage. I think both led each other on...but you've stopped at some point and I continued. Now there is something to actually regret! I always make these mistakes, chasing after the wrong person for the wrong reasons because in hindsight I only wanted to improve the quality of their lives. You didn't reciprocate and I should have known better. But eventually, I did and thought for the better.
Maybe, just maybe, you didn't know or understand what I was trying to convey...At any given moment in our lives, there are certain things that could have happened but didn't. I hope that at least you got at the bare minimum. And the fact that I haven't accomplished anything tells me that either of us are at fault...But it happens to everyone as they grow up: you find out who you are and what you want and realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on. Nothing awkward about that.
I told myself maybe it's a good idea to have another, hopefully, civil discussion like adults, if only for a moment. But truth of the matter, someone isn't quite there yet. As a result of all this, these have become my consequences. I want to try very hard to think of you the same way I told you I was that day but I don't think it'll be a walk in the park anymore...Some people are really unreasonable these days. But hey, who am I to say that. At this point, it's not worth moving forward. Though I must commend your self-less act. You've made a huge personal sacarfice and I think that is when life and learning will really begin for you. I can only wish you the best and not look back at something this trivial.
FUCK BITCHES, MAKE MONEY, STAY CLASSY, BE NERDY.
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The Letter
Truthfully speaking, I don’t know if this is even the right thing to do or not. And at the end of it, I don't think it wouldn't even make a difference anyways and I'll tell you latter why. So I hope this doesn’t come as something very abrupt.
Do know that I genuinely like you, I really do... You’re very free-spirited, open-minded, charming, smart, kind, and just an overall good human being. And I never understood why your exes can’t overlook certain qualities about you and I hope you’re over them because of that. After all, you are what you are because of who you are. Y'know no one should ever question the integrity of your character and should never be treated as some trophy girl but people don't realize that you're much more than that.
I also want you to know that there was never one single boring moment around you. And I appreciate how easy going you are. It’s not something you see every day. And every time I’ve had the chance to be with you I try to make the most out of it.
And call this anything you want but the only reason I’ve also asked you out here today is because I don’t want you to think of me any differently. There are a lot of misconceptions about me and unless you call me out on it no one will ever find out. I like to hide and bottle a lot of things. And I’m going to go out on a limb on this but you're not that much different from me and I've noticed that you do it very very well. And I've already known for the longest time that you are NOT in any type of position in life to make any commitments or be in any type of relationships; I respect that. I don’t know…I don't think anyone should just ever settle.
But the most important thing I wanted you to understand is that I’m not here to ask you to take a chance on me or anything of that sort, no, because that’s not what you want or what you’re after for. I’ve known that for a very long time already.... Honestly, I don’t even expect you to care but realize that I really do care for your happiness though…and that is something I will not give up regardless of where our friendship stands. And I would never trade that for anything else. And I know that I can’t live my life for other people but I do what’s right for me, even if it may hurt the people I love…specially when I’m too nice for my own good.
So I hope we remain as good friends. I hope you can cherish it as much as I do with my other close friends. I hope you accept our friendship for what it is because I’m afraid of losing something good and I’m not going to let that happen again.
Let me ask you, what happens if you didn't truly appreciate something until you didn't have it anymore...
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