The Resolution

So spring quarter officially starts tomorrow. Though I'm a bit afraid of what lies ahead of me, all I can do is view this fear as an opportunity. These past months, I've been blessed with all these hindrances and 'spirit-crushers'; I have never felt so put down in my life. To be able to follow through, put up with the BS, and forget these worries, I can honestly say it's a good feeling. However, there's always that small thing that gets you and sometimes you can't get over it. Hopefully, I can sort out these problems more effectively and not have to worry and be carefree. Course being carefree per se is a total different connotation from being careless. Let's just hope I don't fall under the careless category these next 3 months.

Some things I'd like to update and talk about: my expectations. I know I have talked about how much of a failure and fuck-up I was and because of this change is the only solution to this problem of mine. I know I have to be the change I want to see but is this just another excuse for me to really not...care? Or better yet, worry? I seriously hope this isn't another hoax, conspiracy, or even facade! Sigh* Just do it and everything will be fine, right? Some of the things I'd like to see these upcoming months: 1) End procrastination 2) Better time management 3) BUDGET! 4) Study my ASS off (ok I'll admit, I didn't do as much last quarter but this time it'll be a different story) 4) shoot for straight A's (despite how much of a BS next quarter is) 5) get a job (or go back to reffing as last resort) 6) Pay off debts (I owe so many people money and apologize for the inconvenience!) 7) Sleep 7-8hrs consistently. 8) Meditate & workout 9) Master Prioritization (THIS, is a must).

I have to admit, last quarter I had it good when it came down to my financial situation. Now, everything just sizzled and I am a broke fucker. No, seriously, I have absolutely no money at all. I can't let this fiscal crisis be a burden and stress me out. I believe that everything will find it's way. Like love, money will come. The mantra for these upcoming weeks and maybe months: don't worry, be happy.

Furthermore, I want to express my apologies to the team for my lack of commitment for this upcoming month. They know my current situation right now and there are some things I'd like to prioritize first before diving head first into practices. Also, I want express my gratitude to the people I have met thus far in this team. I wrote a little excerpt for this website and I hope you guys can see where I'm coming from on this one:
"Blood, sweat, and tears; the constant drama, bitter bickering, and endless fights. In lieu this may all seem as if we were in some soap opera but it's what my teammate and I undergo every time something goes awry. Through this we have learned from each other, grown on one another, and matured all together. Today, we have overcome our biggest feats yet succeeding consistently in a regional league. Because of our hardships, we realize the true potential in not only each individuals, but as a collective group. We strive to perform and represent what's best: our pride, respect, camaraderie, sponsors, and more importantly our community. To be able to shed insight on those who have little to no knowledge of what it is like being in a team. This is Paintball: the reason why our brotherhood has become the victim of its own success."

Yesterday, we had our practice since the last tournament (which was 3 weeks ago) and when we played together I can see the fluidity in our team. We played off each-other, communicated, and played like an actual team. It was truly an inspirational scene and moment. To see us at our brightest moments we can only shine some more in the future. Textbook and gumption gentlemen--right here right now. Love you bitches. No homo.

I should really sleep now, I have to wake up at 6 in the morning from now on every monday and wednesday for chem. Crappy thing is I have calc at 6pm so it'll be a rather long hefty day. But Ghandi once said, "patience is self-suffering." So a little bit of enduring and patience and things will be fine in the end. Everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end, right?

Remember to treat opportunities as not a burden but rather a time to see change. You want good? Then expect good. You want results? Then seek results. You want respect? Then earn respect. Half-ass will not suffice until you've reached the endpoint.

The most philosophical and longest blog to date. I hope I can look back at this when in times of doubt or whatever the situation may be and tell myself, "hey, everything is ok, you're better than this."