Sunday, February 15, 2009
You Got Me Rain
Rain is such a depressing weather. I didn't get to even play paintball today with the team. So so so sad. I wish this cold, wet, and windy ordeal to end soon, please. Will someone also slap me in the face for not being able to prioritize my studies.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Severly Ill and Valentineless
I never thought this day would come but it has suddenly struck me. There were those subtle hints and subliminal messages. I made no effort to take notice so I simply shrugged it off thinking to myself, nothing will happen. My ego got in the way and pride manifests itself. It's this flaw that eventually made its way up to my body. The fragility of life has finally met its demise and gradual destruction.
In other words, I got fucking sick. I mean this isn't any of my typical illness, however. It's far beyond what my expectations of it were. Having built a fairly robust and high-defensive immune system in the 3 past years, my body finally gave out. I mean throughout this winter I was maybe ill here and there. Majority of it were minor cold that were easily over in l day. I think the symptom started last week when I noticed heavy bronchial chest pains and constant coughs. Now, it's worse than before; I've become extremely-ill. Man, it's honestly the worst feeling ever. My body severely sore, constant coughing/weezing, the infamous sore throat, and typical headaches. And what's even worst is any slight temperature change my body overly reacts to it. Had a mid-term today for math class and it wasn't a pleasant scene. The ending, however, was hilarious. After handing our dreadful tests back, he puts on some reggae with the dude singing, "be happy, don't worry." Haha, he made my day. But yeah, feels like I'm dying.
Anyhow, I didn't feel too well so I skipped classes and went home. I have two midterms to be studying for but my body is not fully cooperating. I can't even think straight let alone write a coherent and logical sentence. No just kidding, otherwise I wouldn't manage posting this blog up. I hope I will get better soon by tomorrow (or today...tuesday). Reminder to self: wash hands frequently, drink LOTs of water, wear an ample amount of layer to keep warm, and take hot steamy baths with eagle brand medicated oil (yes I know, hella asian) to relieve any body aches. Oh yeah. Had a rather awkward and painful dream--nightmare if you will. It was very realistic and surreal. All I could see were black figures, most which I could not make out what it was. It was really weird. There were constant pressures and weight on my body. I was literally trying to fight it off in my dream. Every effort made were futile and I find myself later pinned by this dark force. My friend told me there is a saying in Korean about these dreams; they're also known as the demon dream. That scared the living shit out of me hahah. I woke up with my body sweating like crazy, ehh. I hope to get over this sickness soon.
As far as valentines, oh man haha. Recently, my buddies have asked me if I had one and if there were any plans that day. I gave them an immediate answer of a 'no.' I'm even a bit saddened by my own answer. Throughout the past valentines I have done absolutely nothing nor did I ask anyone out. I would really love to change that but I don't see it happening. Why? Simply because I have no interests in anyone anymore (well, sorta..ok maybe I lied haha) and I've come accept the whole time will tell mantra. Time does definitely tell you something: Tan doesn't have a special someone. Where the hell is she? I've pondered about that too. Makes me wonder what have I been doing this whole time. Not that I absolutely need her to be by my side but it's always nice to have that sort of 3Cs is what I call it, companionship, comfort, and company. I suppose we will let time dictate the future once again. They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. I wish all happy couples out there a happy valentines filled with happy magical moments and happy memories and all that happiness that comes along with it. That's hella happy status. =] And to those singles out there, you are where you're at not because you've placed yourself there but you let it happen. And admit it, being single is good; it's a nice sense of irresponsibility. Though do take the moment to thank your friends and family for what they have done for you. Valentines shouldn't be a day of full of mushy, superficial materialism. Rather it's a day that calls for appreciation and acknowledging that simple fact. Go out and show some love. Cheers.
In other words, I got fucking sick. I mean this isn't any of my typical illness, however. It's far beyond what my expectations of it were. Having built a fairly robust and high-defensive immune system in the 3 past years, my body finally gave out. I mean throughout this winter I was maybe ill here and there. Majority of it were minor cold that were easily over in l day. I think the symptom started last week when I noticed heavy bronchial chest pains and constant coughs. Now, it's worse than before; I've become extremely-ill. Man, it's honestly the worst feeling ever. My body severely sore, constant coughing/weezing, the infamous sore throat, and typical headaches. And what's even worst is any slight temperature change my body overly reacts to it. Had a mid-term today for math class and it wasn't a pleasant scene. The ending, however, was hilarious. After handing our dreadful tests back, he puts on some reggae with the dude singing, "be happy, don't worry." Haha, he made my day. But yeah, feels like I'm dying.
Anyhow, I didn't feel too well so I skipped classes and went home. I have two midterms to be studying for but my body is not fully cooperating. I can't even think straight let alone write a coherent and logical sentence. No just kidding, otherwise I wouldn't manage posting this blog up. I hope I will get better soon by tomorrow (or today...tuesday). Reminder to self: wash hands frequently, drink LOTs of water, wear an ample amount of layer to keep warm, and take hot steamy baths with eagle brand medicated oil (yes I know, hella asian) to relieve any body aches. Oh yeah. Had a rather awkward and painful dream--nightmare if you will. It was very realistic and surreal. All I could see were black figures, most which I could not make out what it was. It was really weird. There were constant pressures and weight on my body. I was literally trying to fight it off in my dream. Every effort made were futile and I find myself later pinned by this dark force. My friend told me there is a saying in Korean about these dreams; they're also known as the demon dream. That scared the living shit out of me hahah. I woke up with my body sweating like crazy, ehh. I hope to get over this sickness soon.
As far as valentines, oh man haha. Recently, my buddies have asked me if I had one and if there were any plans that day. I gave them an immediate answer of a 'no.' I'm even a bit saddened by my own answer. Throughout the past valentines I have done absolutely nothing nor did I ask anyone out. I would really love to change that but I don't see it happening. Why? Simply because I have no interests in anyone anymore (well, sorta..ok maybe I lied haha) and I've come accept the whole time will tell mantra. Time does definitely tell you something: Tan doesn't have a special someone. Where the hell is she? I've pondered about that too. Makes me wonder what have I been doing this whole time. Not that I absolutely need her to be by my side but it's always nice to have that sort of 3Cs is what I call it, companionship, comfort, and company. I suppose we will let time dictate the future once again. They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. I wish all happy couples out there a happy valentines filled with happy magical moments and happy memories and all that happiness that comes along with it. That's hella happy status. =] And to those singles out there, you are where you're at not because you've placed yourself there but you let it happen. And admit it, being single is good; it's a nice sense of irresponsibility. Though do take the moment to thank your friends and family for what they have done for you. Valentines shouldn't be a day of full of mushy, superficial materialism. Rather it's a day that calls for appreciation and acknowledging that simple fact. Go out and show some love. Cheers.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
The Song
GAH! Omfg, it's killing me. I just found a freaking bomb ass korean song and I can't seem to find the artist nor the actual title of the song. WTF MAN! akshdjaj gkadsujkdh asj. Hahaha, found it by mistake in some random myspace. You gotta love those. And so I sent this girl a message in regards to this song. I'm so stalking this girl until I get my damn answer. It's really driving me crazy right now. I have an obsession with korean r&b and this one in particular just blew most of my favorite songs out of the water. No lies. It's titled, "When he says goodbye." http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=360950054
Someone please help me find this song D;
edit: I want this mp3 player and the girl:
Someone please help me find this song D;
edit: I want this mp3 player and the girl:
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Fuck My Life ch.1
Just wow. An epic day full of fail. Woke up this morning thinking I was going to be early for math class. As senseless, stubborn, lazy, and stupidly distracted I am, I got extremely carried away with my internet. The internet, yes. The fucking necromantic devil. Class starts at 10am. I barely got ready by 9:15 and left the house at 9:35am. To myself? "Shit, I'm late again." Now you see, coming to his lectures are so so so important. Not only is he a good teacher but he teaches you valuable crap that makes you want to learn more about math. I've never felt that way about math till I took his class. Truly inspirational. Okay but to the point. My drive to school is a rather long one, say give or take 20-25mins (course there's all that bull shit variable involved like me speeding and traffic and what not). But with traffic it's like hell brought to earth (that's a whole different story). Expect a delay of up to 45mins or hour drive. SCREW THAT.
I thought I was going to be early. As I am coasting my way to school I suddenly hit the most BS traffic. Dude, seriously WTF. And to think I was going to be early granted the time constraint I was under. Just my fucking luck. Got to school at 9:58am and now I find myself looking for parking. So here's the thing, this teacher has a strict attendant policy. Because he's one of the few that actually respects those who are punctual and locks the door at 10am sharp so that way no one can bust a Kool-Aid entrance distracting the class in the process. And this is one of the many other reasons I took his class. I got to the door and it was shut locked. I was 3 minutes late. Had that incident not occurred, I would have been somewhat early, or 'on-time' respectively. Oh well, lesson learned. I'm leaving my house at 9:00 now. But still, I WOULD HAVE MADE IT!
Ran some errands and talked to the financial aid office about my check (money) situation. The money was suppose to be directly deposited into my bank account today, however, no money shown up. Had the F.Aid director come put and chatted with him and settled the confusion. He knew my financial situation as well as the situation at home and with my mom. I'm pretty persistent about how, when, and where my money's going, especially when it comes down to such a huge sum of cash. Long story short, I'm getting 1500.00 next week. SCORE.
And so today I fed myself to my heart's content during lunch. Bought 5lbs worth of lasagna, asked the server to give me all they had. HAHA. I was starving ok! Also, I think eating is one of my the best way to cope with all the stress and depression (not that I am depressed..or I hope not). I just love eating and my friends will tell you, I CAN EAT.
Today's schedule dictate another day with a 3 hour break till my next class: Chem. What did I do? Studied like a good boy. I think I'm starting to appreciate this whole studying concept, let alone doing hw while you're at it. It's a good feeling to know you're getting something done and you've accomplished a goal. And let me tell you what, I'm a total lag when it comes down to hw, reading, and studying. I can't naturally find that motivation to do it as much as I did when I was in middle school and high school (with the given exception to sophomore and senior year). Oh god, was I such one lazy mother fooker. That's a thing with me, I have the capacity, will, and knowledge to learn, do, and master a particular whatever it may be but I just lack that heart and motivation. And I know I've fucked up during those years when I did absolutely nothing and till this very day I still regret it. I think I need a girlfriend to keep me in check. IN CHECK.
A chem night class constitutes a very long night. Not only do you have your usual 2 hr lectures but you also have the BS pre-lab lecture which can eat up an additional 30mins to an hour of your time and then the lab in which also takes up about another 2 hour (or sometimes even longer depending on the Lab). You do the math. Wedsnesday are lab days so I held my breath till lab time. And oh my goodness was tonight's lab long or WHAT. Not only was the shit tedious but the calculation part of the lab took so much time. I kept running my answers through the professor but apparently my sig figs. were off...Yes, he checks for that shit and is very anal about it. So I just gave up; too damn exhausted to yield the accurate answers. Finally done, I walk back to the car with a huge sigh of relief...till then I saw some random dude pushing his car around the parking lot. SHIT.
I'm not cynical nor am I unsympathetic but for some damn reason, I didn't want to help him out hahah, oh so bad. But being the good samaritan I am, I offered him my lending hand. This dude with his 87 mr2 has a totally effed up starter. Tried jump starting and nothing. And finally came down to the point where we had to call my friend up, roll that damn car around the parking lot like idiots, hustle the campus police to play bumper cars with it, all to start the damn car but to no avail. Spent the entire night trying to help this fellow man out and nothing. I felt extremely bad but his car was fucked up anyways. He called in a tow truck and I wished him the best of luck. And so, I FINALLY LEFT.
Home, oh sweet home. There's honestly no other better feeling than coming home after a restless bull shit day. Propped on the computer, changed, and ate the last piece of left over lasagna. Later I find out someone IM'd me. Golly was I not the happiest man on earth hahah. No I kid but a friend who I haven't taken the initiative to talk to anymore said hi and asked if I was doing fine. Told her my situation and that was it. We don't have our 'talks' anymore I guess it's because she's been busy lately/ nowadays but I think either of us have lost all interest in one in another. I don't know anymore. Anyways, that's beside the point. Nothing special between us two. I don't think I'm going to find myself an s/o ('special one') till way later. Time will only tell. Though it is always a nice feeling to have that person giving you the attention you o so desired and crave. It's that constant need of attention and unrequited care that allows us to feel we're of actual worth and time. IF ONLY.
I'm home, happy, lethargic, full, mixed-feelings, relieved, and all of the above. Welcome to the 1/7th part of my multifaceted life.
I thought I was going to be early. As I am coasting my way to school I suddenly hit the most BS traffic. Dude, seriously WTF. And to think I was going to be early granted the time constraint I was under. Just my fucking luck. Got to school at 9:58am and now I find myself looking for parking. So here's the thing, this teacher has a strict attendant policy. Because he's one of the few that actually respects those who are punctual and locks the door at 10am sharp so that way no one can bust a Kool-Aid entrance distracting the class in the process. And this is one of the many other reasons I took his class. I got to the door and it was shut locked. I was 3 minutes late. Had that incident not occurred, I would have been somewhat early, or 'on-time' respectively. Oh well, lesson learned. I'm leaving my house at 9:00 now. But still, I WOULD HAVE MADE IT!
Ran some errands and talked to the financial aid office about my check (money) situation. The money was suppose to be directly deposited into my bank account today, however, no money shown up. Had the F.Aid director come put and chatted with him and settled the confusion. He knew my financial situation as well as the situation at home and with my mom. I'm pretty persistent about how, when, and where my money's going, especially when it comes down to such a huge sum of cash. Long story short, I'm getting 1500.00 next week. SCORE.
And so today I fed myself to my heart's content during lunch. Bought 5lbs worth of lasagna, asked the server to give me all they had. HAHA. I was starving ok! Also, I think eating is one of my the best way to cope with all the stress and depression (not that I am depressed..or I hope not). I just love eating and my friends will tell you, I CAN EAT.
Today's schedule dictate another day with a 3 hour break till my next class: Chem. What did I do? Studied like a good boy. I think I'm starting to appreciate this whole studying concept, let alone doing hw while you're at it. It's a good feeling to know you're getting something done and you've accomplished a goal. And let me tell you what, I'm a total lag when it comes down to hw, reading, and studying. I can't naturally find that motivation to do it as much as I did when I was in middle school and high school (with the given exception to sophomore and senior year). Oh god, was I such one lazy mother fooker. That's a thing with me, I have the capacity, will, and knowledge to learn, do, and master a particular whatever it may be but I just lack that heart and motivation. And I know I've fucked up during those years when I did absolutely nothing and till this very day I still regret it. I think I need a girlfriend to keep me in check. IN CHECK.
A chem night class constitutes a very long night. Not only do you have your usual 2 hr lectures but you also have the BS pre-lab lecture which can eat up an additional 30mins to an hour of your time and then the lab in which also takes up about another 2 hour (or sometimes even longer depending on the Lab). You do the math. Wedsnesday are lab days so I held my breath till lab time. And oh my goodness was tonight's lab long or WHAT. Not only was the shit tedious but the calculation part of the lab took so much time. I kept running my answers through the professor but apparently my sig figs. were off...Yes, he checks for that shit and is very anal about it. So I just gave up; too damn exhausted to yield the accurate answers. Finally done, I walk back to the car with a huge sigh of relief...till then I saw some random dude pushing his car around the parking lot. SHIT.
I'm not cynical nor am I unsympathetic but for some damn reason, I didn't want to help him out hahah, oh so bad. But being the good samaritan I am, I offered him my lending hand. This dude with his 87 mr2 has a totally effed up starter. Tried jump starting and nothing. And finally came down to the point where we had to call my friend up, roll that damn car around the parking lot like idiots, hustle the campus police to play bumper cars with it, all to start the damn car but to no avail. Spent the entire night trying to help this fellow man out and nothing. I felt extremely bad but his car was fucked up anyways. He called in a tow truck and I wished him the best of luck. And so, I FINALLY LEFT.
Home, oh sweet home. There's honestly no other better feeling than coming home after a restless bull shit day. Propped on the computer, changed, and ate the last piece of left over lasagna. Later I find out someone IM'd me. Golly was I not the happiest man on earth hahah. No I kid but a friend who I haven't taken the initiative to talk to anymore said hi and asked if I was doing fine. Told her my situation and that was it. We don't have our 'talks' anymore I guess it's because she's been busy lately/ nowadays but I think either of us have lost all interest in one in another. I don't know anymore. Anyways, that's beside the point. Nothing special between us two. I don't think I'm going to find myself an s/o ('special one') till way later. Time will only tell. Though it is always a nice feeling to have that person giving you the attention you o so desired and crave. It's that constant need of attention and unrequited care that allows us to feel we're of actual worth and time. IF ONLY.
I'm home, happy, lethargic, full, mixed-feelings, relieved, and all of the above. Welcome to the 1/7th part of my multifaceted life.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
The Girl
She was someone you've always wanted. But you just can't seem to finish what you started. And you never let someone like this get to you like she did. You didn't mean to lead her on, no not like this. So what now, what now? You play the melodies that call out her wrongs. It's the wishful thinking. Tongues tied and empty mind, no longer are you able to speak. You bid farewells oh was it so ever so silent.
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