The Art of Being Single

The Art of Contentment
For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I’m sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested. Someone more handsome,beautiful, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you’re willing to see it through. It means you don’t walk away every time things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have. Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one. The art of contentment means you wouldn’t mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.

A Time to Know Yourself Better
Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interest and passions without having to ask another person’s approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you’re still romantically unattached. It’s all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone. Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are. How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don’t know who and what you really are?

A Choice Between Good and Best
Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it’s between good and best. Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won’t hear music, or feel magic to know who’s best for you. The heart just knows and it doesn’t need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. Being single is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.

Take Your Time, The World Will Wait
Being married doesn’t guarantee that it will make your life happy. It doesn’t guarantee anything at all. Sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. Without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you’re better off unattached.

Living Life
Don’t put your life on hold for Mr. and Mrs. Right but don’t let it waste away with Mr.or Mrs. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen to you everyday. It’s not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. Live life now. Live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. Allow life to surprise you with it’s most wonderful blessings.

#single.

The Resolution

So spring quarter officially starts tomorrow. Though I'm a bit afraid of what lies ahead of me, all I can do is view this fear as an opportunity. These past months, I've been blessed with all these hindrances and 'spirit-crushers'; I have never felt so put down in my life. To be able to follow through, put up with the BS, and forget these worries, I can honestly say it's a good feeling. However, there's always that small thing that gets you and sometimes you can't get over it. Hopefully, I can sort out these problems more effectively and not have to worry and be carefree. Course being carefree per se is a total different connotation from being careless. Let's just hope I don't fall under the careless category these next 3 months.

Some things I'd like to update and talk about: my expectations. I know I have talked about how much of a failure and fuck-up I was and because of this change is the only solution to this problem of mine. I know I have to be the change I want to see but is this just another excuse for me to really not...care? Or better yet, worry? I seriously hope this isn't another hoax, conspiracy, or even facade! Sigh* Just do it and everything will be fine, right? Some of the things I'd like to see these upcoming months: 1) End procrastination 2) Better time management 3) BUDGET! 4) Study my ASS off (ok I'll admit, I didn't do as much last quarter but this time it'll be a different story) 4) shoot for straight A's (despite how much of a BS next quarter is) 5) get a job (or go back to reffing as last resort) 6) Pay off debts (I owe so many people money and apologize for the inconvenience!) 7) Sleep 7-8hrs consistently. 8) Meditate & workout 9) Master Prioritization (THIS, is a must).

I have to admit, last quarter I had it good when it came down to my financial situation. Now, everything just sizzled and I am a broke fucker. No, seriously, I have absolutely no money at all. I can't let this fiscal crisis be a burden and stress me out. I believe that everything will find it's way. Like love, money will come. The mantra for these upcoming weeks and maybe months: don't worry, be happy.

Furthermore, I want to express my apologies to the team for my lack of commitment for this upcoming month. They know my current situation right now and there are some things I'd like to prioritize first before diving head first into practices. Also, I want express my gratitude to the people I have met thus far in this team. I wrote a little excerpt for this website and I hope you guys can see where I'm coming from on this one:
"Blood, sweat, and tears; the constant drama, bitter bickering, and endless fights. In lieu this may all seem as if we were in some soap opera but it's what my teammate and I undergo every time something goes awry. Through this we have learned from each other, grown on one another, and matured all together. Today, we have overcome our biggest feats yet succeeding consistently in a regional league. Because of our hardships, we realize the true potential in not only each individuals, but as a collective group. We strive to perform and represent what's best: our pride, respect, camaraderie, sponsors, and more importantly our community. To be able to shed insight on those who have little to no knowledge of what it is like being in a team. This is Paintball: the reason why our brotherhood has become the victim of its own success."

Yesterday, we had our practice since the last tournament (which was 3 weeks ago) and when we played together I can see the fluidity in our team. We played off each-other, communicated, and played like an actual team. It was truly an inspirational scene and moment. To see us at our brightest moments we can only shine some more in the future. Textbook and gumption gentlemen--right here right now. Love you bitches. No homo.

I should really sleep now, I have to wake up at 6 in the morning from now on every monday and wednesday for chem. Crappy thing is I have calc at 6pm so it'll be a rather long hefty day. But Ghandi once said, "patience is self-suffering." So a little bit of enduring and patience and things will be fine in the end. Everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end, right?

Remember to treat opportunities as not a burden but rather a time to see change. You want good? Then expect good. You want results? Then seek results. You want respect? Then earn respect. Half-ass will not suffice until you've reached the endpoint.

The most philosophical and longest blog to date. I hope I can look back at this when in times of doubt or whatever the situation may be and tell myself, "hey, everything is ok, you're better than this."

Epiphany

I knew it, I saw it, and it came. I didn't figure it would hit me this hard. There are so many things going on with my life right now and it's absolutely overwhelming. Life feels really unbalanced right now....And as much as I want to set my priorities straight and pave the right path for myself, I always end up losing in hindsight. I know I'm better than this, I really am. But it has always been the case where I'm just a sore loser and a fuck up in the end. Till this very day I have yet to fix it and instead let such things drag me down even some more. Why? Why do I always put myself in the same constant situations--it's inevitable. I need to sit down and really contemplate hard about this because it's affecting not only my life but others around me as well. There is this thing called integrity, a call to truth. And what is there to truth that I can't really grasp? I know what it is and it's holding me back. And there is responsibility, a whole different matter and issue which correlates with integrity. Being held accountable and punctual about things; knowing what's more and least important. Throughout life we learn what really matters and don't. But one thing we always ignore is the simple fact that it's not really about what matters or not. Rather, it's about knowing why these things matter and why some do not. Weird how I may know so much but in hindsight I lose all grasp of these concepts or philosophy if you will. It's as if I have come to accept my karma already when I haven't done anything. It's because I know what's bound to happen. How many wake-up calls do I fucking need? I've had too many of them already and it's at the point where I'm at the brink of just giving up entirely. I can hope but hopes come a very long way. I can say these things but words are nothing but proclamations. I can wine but it'll get me no where. What I can do is begin to appreciate why these things are the way the are and how it manifested itself. Right now, it's not a very pleasant scene and it's a genuine disappointment. What I can do is let my actions speak for itself because I believe actions speaks louder than words. No, they really do. I don't deserve chances and I shouldn't. What I should deserve is the sort of change I want to see for myself. That is, become successful in whatever I do in life without taking any shortcuts and excuses. The time is always now. It's not about tomorrow or yesterday, it's about what we make of it today and that is the change. Sac the fuck up Tan and let's handle shit the RIGHT WAY.

Seriously

For real, like what the fuck? Is it that easy to brush it off like that; I really don't understand. To kick someone off the pedestal and put dirt on them some more. I might as well dig my own grave. A truly feeble attempt, yes it was. Heaven knows it could have gone worse. God, how pointless. Please just stop already. The worst feeling in this world is to be hurt by unjust reasons. Logic and flaws coincide nicely, doesn't it? How bout reality and materialism? Don't even bear the thought of crossing this line. Are we on the same page now?

Never in My Life [the update]

Now I know. haha, my goodness what a long ass weekend. Keep posted. to be continue...

You Got Me Rain

Rain is such a depressing weather. I didn't get to even play paintball today with the team. So so so sad. I wish this cold, wet, and windy ordeal to end soon, please. Will someone also slap me in the face for not being able to prioritize my studies.

Severly Ill and Valentineless

I never thought this day would come but it has suddenly struck me. There were those subtle hints and subliminal messages. I made no effort to take notice so I simply shrugged it off thinking to myself, nothing will happen. My ego got in the way and pride manifests itself. It's this flaw that eventually made its way up to my body. The fragility of life has finally met its demise and gradual destruction.

In other words, I got fucking sick. I mean this isn't any of my typical illness, however. It's far beyond what my expectations of it were. Having built a fairly robust and high-defensive immune system in the 3 past years, my body finally gave out. I mean throughout this winter I was maybe ill here and there. Majority of it were minor cold that were easily over in l day. I think the symptom started last week when I noticed heavy bronchial chest pains and constant coughs. Now, it's worse than before; I've become extremely-ill. Man, it's honestly the worst feeling ever. My body severely sore, constant coughing/weezing, the infamous sore throat, and typical headaches. And what's even worst is any slight temperature change my body overly reacts to it. Had a mid-term today for math class and it wasn't a pleasant scene. The ending, however, was hilarious. After handing our dreadful tests back, he puts on some reggae with the dude singing, "be happy, don't worry." Haha, he made my day. But yeah, feels like I'm dying.

Anyhow, I didn't feel too well so I skipped classes and went home. I have two midterms to be studying for but my body is not fully cooperating. I can't even think straight let alone write a coherent and logical sentence. No just kidding, otherwise I wouldn't manage posting this blog up. I hope I will get better soon by tomorrow (or today...tuesday). Reminder to self: wash hands frequently, drink LOTs of water, wear an ample amount of layer to keep warm, and take hot steamy baths with eagle brand medicated oil (yes I know, hella asian) to relieve any body aches. Oh yeah. Had a rather awkward and painful dream--nightmare if you will. It was very realistic and surreal. All I could see were black figures, most which I could not make out what it was. It was really weird. There were constant pressures and weight on my body. I was literally trying to fight it off in my dream. Every effort made were futile and I find myself later pinned by this dark force. My friend told me there is a saying in Korean about these dreams; they're also known as the demon dream. That scared the living shit out of me hahah. I woke up with my body sweating like crazy, ehh. I hope to get over this sickness soon.

As far as valentines, oh man haha. Recently, my buddies have asked me if I had one and if there were any plans that day. I gave them an immediate answer of a 'no.' I'm even a bit saddened by my own answer. Throughout the past valentines I have done absolutely nothing nor did I ask anyone out. I would really love to change that but I don't see it happening. Why? Simply because I have no interests in anyone anymore (well, sorta..ok maybe I lied haha) and I've come accept the whole time will tell mantra. Time does definitely tell you something: Tan doesn't have a special someone. Where the hell is she? I've pondered about that too. Makes me wonder what have I been doing this whole time. Not that I absolutely need her to be by my side but it's always nice to have that sort of 3Cs is what I call it, companionship, comfort, and company. I suppose we will let time dictate the future once again. They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. I wish all happy couples out there a happy valentines filled with happy magical moments and happy memories and all that happiness that comes along with it. That's hella happy status. =] And to those singles out there, you are where you're at not because you've placed yourself there but you let it happen. And admit it, being single is good; it's a nice sense of irresponsibility. Though do take the moment to thank your friends and family for what they have done for you. Valentines shouldn't be a day of full of mushy, superficial materialism. Rather it's a day that calls for appreciation and acknowledging that simple fact. Go out and show some love. Cheers.