Self-explanatory, I should really keep track of some unforgettable, classic, genuine conversations here:
-----------------------3/18/2012-----------------------
White Noise
DancerNboardr408 (1:08:27 AM): would you happen to know
DancerNboardr408 (1:08:27 AM): if
DancerNboardr408 (1:08:34 AM): we can download this?
tandks85 (1:08:53 AM): I honestly do not know but I can gurantee you that some nigguh right now is recording this
DancerNboardr408 (1:09:05 AM): haahahaa
tandks85 (1:09:06 AM): and when that gets released you and I will be on that like hot pancakes
DancerNboardr408 (1:09:12 AM): LOL
DancerNboardr408 (1:09:16 AM): hot pancakes.
tandks85 (1:09:26 AM): i want some meow
DancerNboardr408 (1:09:30 AM): LOL
DancerNboardr408 (1:09:37 AM): and Im the one whose faded...
tandks85 (1:09:43 AM): who smiles alot
DancerNboardr408 (1:09:46 AM): who"s
DancerNboardr408 (1:09:56 AM): lol
tandks85 (1:09:59 AM): LOLOLOL
DancerNboardr408 (1:10:00 AM): not really
tandks85 (1:10:07 AM): 10 second delay response ftw
DancerNboardr408 (1:10:12 AM): HAHAHA
DancerNboardr408 (1:10:14 AM): damn it...
-----------------------3/18/2012-----------------------
Home Drunk Home
Khoi Nguyen:
Alright homie
Sweet dreams man
Get home ...
err in bed safe
Tje fuk ma I saying?
Tan Le:
jesus christ khoi LOL
-----------------------3/18/2012-----------------------
Electric Daisy Nipples
T: just imagine EDC meow
shit's gonna be cray
im gonna be running around shirtless with neon yellow nips
A: LOLLLLL body paint?
T: YOU AIN'T DOWN!
A: you're a slut
LOLL
T: only for that night lol
A: AHHAHHA well put
for the weekend*
-----------------------1/13/2009-----------------------
The JB Effect
hella agg (12:16:01 AM): who works
hella agg (12:16:05 AM): in the office
TanDKS85 (12:16:07 AM): OH
hella agg (12:16:07 AM): random cute girl?
TanDKS85 (12:16:09 AM): ugh
TanDKS85 (12:16:12 AM): random cute girl
TanDKS85 (12:16:14 AM): (assuming)
hella agg (12:16:16 AM): go for it tan
hella agg (12:16:17 AM): is she 16
hella agg (12:16:18 AM): haha
TanDKS85 (12:16:20 AM): 18
TanDKS85 (12:16:21 AM): o_o
TanDKS85 (12:16:22 AM): LOL
hella agg (12:16:23 AM): aw
hella agg (12:16:24 AM): too old for you
-----------------------11/20/2011-----------------------
Gender Role Exchange
bboyKdash (1:20:31 PM): F***
bboyKdash (1:20:35 PM): I'm getting completrely lazy
bboyKdash (1:20:38 PM): How's homework?
bboyKdash (1:20:41 PM): Am I bothhering you?
tandks85 (1:20:42 PM): hahah
bboyKdash (1:20:43 PM): Do I sound like a girl?
-----------------------2/1/2012-----------------------
Asian Confusion
hella agg (1:33:08 AM): well the first thing i was thinking of is banh gio
tandks85 (1:33:24 AM): banh gio is something else.
hella agg (1:33:28 AM): right
hella agg (1:33:29 AM): these are like
hella agg (1:33:30 AM): mini versions
hella agg (1:33:31 AM): i think
hella agg (1:33:34 AM): and you eat it with fish sauce
hella agg (1:33:35 AM): or something
tandks85 (1:33:48 AM): OHHHH
tandks85 (1:33:52 AM): I KNOWWW
tandks85 (1:33:57 AM): sometimes there fucking
tandks85 (1:34:00 AM): shrimp in there too
hella agg (1:34:00 AM): they're kind of like
hella agg (1:34:01 AM): bite size
hella agg (1:34:02 AM): YES'
hella agg (1:34:02 AM): SHRIMP
tandks85 (1:34:03 AM): with the hard shell
tandks85 (1:34:04 AM): YESSS
tandks85 (1:34:06 AM): lmfao
hella agg (1:34:06 AM): WHAT IS THAT
tandks85 (1:34:12 AM): FUCKKKK my mom is sleeping
hella agg (1:34:15 AM): lolol
-----------------------11/22/2011-----------------------
A Universe's Afterthought
T: So what do you think about our universe, Kathy?
K: Well we are something that came from something that had to be something when something was something.
Right?
T: Yeah, something like that haha.
-----------------------3/21/2012-----------------------
Mandling Business
12:55 PM Duy Quoc Le --CNTR
Dude if you were here
12:55 PM Duy Quoc Le --CNTR
we could MANDLE
-----------------------3/26/2012-----------------------
Eureka
Tan Le --CNTR
welp there's the answer we have been waiting for
2:16 PMDuy Quoc Le --CNTR
What answer?
2:17 PMTan Le --CNTR
james sent out an email
check it
it's actually feasible
2:19 PM Duy Quoc Le --CNTR
I WAS rIGHT
SCheduled PUSH!!!
DU MA!
2:19 PMTan Le --CNTR
goood shit son
2:19 PMDuy Quoc Le --CNTRI
;aklsjfakldsjfadsf
asdkl;fjdsaklfjadsl;kfjdsakl;fjsakl;dfjl;dsakjfkl;dsajfldsakjfdsalkjf
asdlkfjadsklfjdsa
I SAID THAT!
2:20 PMTan Le --CNTR
lololoo
2:20 PMDuy Quoc Le --CNTR
GiVE ME HIS PAYCHECK!
2:20 PMTan Le --CNTR
desktop engineer in the house?
2:20 PMDuy Quoc Le --CNTR
I FUCKING CALLE DTHAT SHIT
-----------------------5/14/2012-----------------------
The High Effect
hella agg (10:28:45 PM): you seemed like you were having a good time lol
tandks85 (10:28:50 PM): hahaha
tandks85 (10:28:54 PM): i really was
tandks85 (10:28:59 PM): beats drinking for sure
tandks85 (10:29:33 PM): i ended up in a 3 way video conference with her and her other gal friend
tandks85 (10:29:36 PM): we were all baked
tandks85 (10:29:38 PM): shit was hilarious
tandks85 (10:30:07 PM): never hugged/snuggled a roll of paper towels so passionately before
tandks85 (10:30:09 PM): LOL
hella agg (10:31:03 PM): looool
-----------------------6/14/2012-----------------------
Steps 1, 3, and 2.
tandks85 (4:46:24 AM): i just found out the proper way
tandks85 (4:46:27 AM): to care for your mouth
tandks85 (4:46:48 AM): apparently you have to use mouth rinse AFTER brushing
tandks85 (4:47:03 AM): wtf? I thought you do it after flossing .___.
hella agg (4:47:20 AM): ...
hella agg (4:47:23 AM): how did you just find this out lolol
tandks85 (4:47:41 AM): LOL, there is science behind this too
tandks85 (4:47:42 AM): fml.
tandks85 (4:47:48 AM): cause i was taking a dump
tandks85 (4:47:52 AM): and reading the directions
tandks85 (4:47:54 AM): on the fucking
tandks85 (4:47:56 AM): mouth-rinse
tandks85 (4:48:03 AM): and it said to rinse AFTER brushing
tandks85 (4:48:06 AM): i was so befuddled
tandks85 (4:48:13 AM): so i went online to do my research
tandks85 (4:48:15 AM): and it was confirmed
tandks85 (4:48:22 AM): fml. all these fucking years erick
hella agg (4:48:55 AM): looool
-----------------------6/13/2012-----------------------
Unconventional Methodologies
tandks85 (1:45:34 PM): sometimes i don't even vacumm
tandks85 (1:45:39 PM): i lint roller my whole room
DancerNboardr408 (1:45:43 PM): okay
tandks85 (1:45:45 PM): LOL
DancerNboardr408 (1:45:46 PM): youre officially a freak
DancerNboardr408 (1:45:52 PM): this is going on facebook
DancerNboardr408 (1:45:54 PM): im sorry
DancerNboardr408 (1:45:57 PM): LOL
tandks85 (1:45:59 PM): yknow. sometimes those vacumm can't pick up the things you want it to pick up
tandks85 (1:46:02 PM): LMAO
tandks85 (1:46:03 PM): fuuuuuuu
DancerNboardr408 (1:47:52 PM): BUAHAHAA
-----------------------6/19/2012-----------------------
One Step too Late
tandks85 (2:46:40 AM): remember that fart i delievered one night?
hella agg (2:46:45 AM): yes
hella agg (2:46:47 AM): it was horrible
tandks85 (2:47:02 AM): i think i'm about to having another "moment"
hella agg (2:47:08 AM): wut
hella agg (2:47:17 AM): you're gonna fart?
hella agg (2:47:17 AM): haha
tandks85 (2:47:35 AM): i always try to run outside my room but sometimes i am one step too late.
hella agg (2:47:41 AM): LOL
-----------------------7/31/2012-----------------------
Hopeless Romantics
hella agg (6:41:51 PM): i'm just the kind of person that likes to do these things face to face, you know?
tandks85 (6:41:58 PM): welll i do too
hella agg (6:42:09 PM): we're romantics tan
hella agg (6:42:09 PM): ahah
tandks85 (6:42:26 PM): fuck we are.
tandks85 (6:42:29 PM): god damnit
-----------------------date-----------------------
-----------------------date-----------------------
-----------------------date-----------------------
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Touch a Soul, Heal a Heart.: A Personal Log.
I find ways to touch the soul and speak to the heart. I always have and always will. That's just the nature of my personality. I can't really describe how much of a valuable conversation that can take place between two people. When I feel strongly about someone or something, my subconscious self kicks in. I don't know if I'm just going through the motion or it's just some spiritual process that is beyond my control but I feel like I can really touch people's lives when I come up with some enlightening passages. Sometimes, I can't really explain how I can come up with such quotes, sayings, or dialogues but what I do know is that whether the message was flirtatious, intentional or subliminal, it will always hold some form of merit. And more truthfully so, it feels great to have someone experience the situation rather than have it explained to them.
But enough with this let's take a look at some things to live by, admire, hate, question, and ponder about. And to those who have found themselves to be part of this uplifting log, and recall any of the conversations that took place, consider yourself awesome because Tan just found a special place for both of us.
p.s. Giving myself too much credit? DGAF! :]
---PHILOSOPHY/LIFE---
me: "Well, it's what we do, not what we think, that matters most."
me "Don't ask for too much; just want a lot."
me: "I'm no firm believer in God or a higher being due to my more bias-ism towards science and evolution but what I do believe is that we're given all these beautiful resources and we are our own self-creator and are responsible to find purpose in life and devote meaning into it. We're all Gods. What we make out of it is what people define us as."
---FOOD---
me: "My standards for food sees no limit; as long as the food sits well in my belly I will continue eating you."
---PAST---
---MOTIVATIONAL---
me: "Screw the past! You live on with life and appreciate what you already have and gained. If a candle light is unlit you light that shit right back up."
---LOVE---
me: "All you can do is all she allows you to do, so don't do more."
me: "You know, someone leaves for a reason. It's because someone else better comes along to replace them."
me: "If I wanted you I would have asked so politely long time ago like a gentlemen. Don't fish with bait, fish with class. I don't wait for things to happen. I just don't let a rope with a piece of meat dangle in the middle of the water hoping Somethings just have to be experienced, not explained. Can't just leave a bait on there thinking you can get away with the situation. If I wanted to fish like a real man I'd go in there with a spear and catch you. Because...you're just that type."
---DECISIONS---
---INSPIRATION---
me: "Great minds think alike but better minds come together."
---HAPPINESS---
me: "Honestly, do whatever that makes you happy the most, real talk. Happiness comes from realizing how bless you are even despite hardships, learning to love even through heartbreaks, and forgiving when it hurts too much and knowing with each opportunity you get in life is only a testimony to something even greater."
me: "The happiest people in life doesn't have the best of everything they just make the best of everything they have."
But enough with this let's take a look at some things to live by, admire, hate, question, and ponder about. And to those who have found themselves to be part of this uplifting log, and recall any of the conversations that took place, consider yourself awesome because Tan just found a special place for both of us.
p.s. Giving myself too much credit? DGAF! :]
---PHILOSOPHY/LIFE---
me: "Well, it's what we do, not what we think, that matters most."
me "Don't ask for too much; just want a lot."
me: "I'm no firm believer in God or a higher being due to my more bias-ism towards science and evolution but what I do believe is that we're given all these beautiful resources and we are our own self-creator and are responsible to find purpose in life and devote meaning into it. We're all Gods. What we make out of it is what people define us as."
---FOOD---
me: "My standards for food sees no limit; as long as the food sits well in my belly I will continue eating you."
---PAST---
---MOTIVATIONAL---
me: "Screw the past! You live on with life and appreciate what you already have and gained. If a candle light is unlit you light that shit right back up."
---LOVE---
me: "All you can do is all she allows you to do, so don't do more."
me: "You know, someone leaves for a reason. It's because someone else better comes along to replace them."
me: "If I wanted you I would have asked so politely long time ago like a gentlemen. Don't fish with bait, fish with class. I don't wait for things to happen. I just don't let a rope with a piece of meat dangle in the middle of the water hoping Somethings just have to be experienced, not explained. Can't just leave a bait on there thinking you can get away with the situation. If I wanted to fish like a real man I'd go in there with a spear and catch you. Because...you're just that type."
---DECISIONS---
---INSPIRATION---
me: "Great minds think alike but better minds come together."
---HAPPINESS---
me: "Honestly, do whatever that makes you happy the most, real talk. Happiness comes from realizing how bless you are even despite hardships, learning to love even through heartbreaks, and forgiving when it hurts too much and knowing with each opportunity you get in life is only a testimony to something even greater."
me: "The happiest people in life doesn't have the best of everything they just make the best of everything they have."
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Silence in Scum
I've never...felt so dumbfounded and distraught. Really. I guess it's a great paradox to say those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. But apparently that's just the opposite with some other people. To be sitting down next to someone who literally steals your breath away your voice becomes only shallower. I don't know what it was it could have been anything. Hope, fear, nervousness, happiness. Suddenly I knew I never felt as strongly for another person as I did at that moment. Had it been possible, I wished I never stood frozen. Frozen in thoughts that I couldn't freely express myself. I wanted to tell her my thoughts. I wanted to interject in between the conversations and offer a piece of saying. I wanted to really say something, but the sound of her voice silenced the emotions inside me. I really don't know what it was. My throat was tightened by the constancy of thoughts. My eyes were so locked at fluent tongues.I could only smiled softly and nod because for the very first time in a very long time did I feel the way I felt that night. I haven't been this close and personal with another person in years. And when it happened, the world stopped revolving around me. At that very singular point in time and space, what was most important in the universe was that piece of matter. It was dark, it was chaotic, it was mysterious, it was unknown, it was an energy to be reckon with nevertheless. It was gravitationally responsible for my shortcoming and indeed it was. And from what we know about our universe every dying star in our universe dies a violent death. This is exactly what it felt like.
I'm sorry for you having to experience what you did that night. I'm sorry for speechlessly telling you that silence is always the best answer. I'm sorry for making you feel like silence is betrayal. I'm sorry for being that mirror because I've always thought you needed another perspective of yourself with someone else there. I'm really not one too hate nor fear, I really ain't. And if you ever felt either I don't blame you. I'm different in many respects that some people to this day still can't figure out and admire. But for you to privately attack my persona really did feel like a star in the universe that ended so unexpectedly. I honestly could not blame you for your feelings and most certainly could not accuse you of your wrongdoings. I'm someone who easily forgives but hardly forgets.
I'm not asking for any repent. I want you to know that you've been forgiven way before you even got into greater details about how much of a scum I was. All that I have ever wished for that night was to openly listen to you because deep down I really know there's a much greater problem in the universe that you yourself couldn't explain. All I wanted you to know was that a second opinion or ears were something you wanted all along. All that I have hoped for was to know you better but who really knows at this point. I'm sorry nonetheless.
"Too many people seem to believe that silence was a void that needed to be filled, even if nothing important was said."
— Nicholas Sparks (Nights in Rodanthe)
I'm sorry for you having to experience what you did that night. I'm sorry for speechlessly telling you that silence is always the best answer. I'm sorry for making you feel like silence is betrayal. I'm sorry for being that mirror because I've always thought you needed another perspective of yourself with someone else there. I'm really not one too hate nor fear, I really ain't. And if you ever felt either I don't blame you. I'm different in many respects that some people to this day still can't figure out and admire. But for you to privately attack my persona really did feel like a star in the universe that ended so unexpectedly. I honestly could not blame you for your feelings and most certainly could not accuse you of your wrongdoings. I'm someone who easily forgives but hardly forgets.
I'm not asking for any repent. I want you to know that you've been forgiven way before you even got into greater details about how much of a scum I was. All that I have ever wished for that night was to openly listen to you because deep down I really know there's a much greater problem in the universe that you yourself couldn't explain. All I wanted you to know was that a second opinion or ears were something you wanted all along. All that I have hoped for was to know you better but who really knows at this point. I'm sorry nonetheless.
"Too many people seem to believe that silence was a void that needed to be filled, even if nothing important was said."
— Nicholas Sparks (Nights in Rodanthe)
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Three Years Later
PART I: 3/4/2012 Aprox. 2pm Sunday Afternoon.
It's 2012, can you believe it? Just quickly, stop yourself at this very second and moment and in 10 seconds think about all the shit that have happened to you in the past 3 years. Never had it cross my mind until much recently I would be this compelled to come back and write again. But with recent inspiring events, motivation, and that 10 second of rude awakening, I can confidently say I'm coming back to write with all good intentions. And as I sit here in real time listening to sultry music, sipping on a glass of green tea, pondering about the tiramisu from last night, basking in my crowded room with the sun radiating from the windows, I tap into my subconscious mind to let my fingers punch away at the keyboard as my lips slowly move up and down to the words as I retype and repeat these sentences. "Here I go, here it is again, this doesn't sound right, well maybe that's a bit a better," says Tan. It's more than just a thought process; it's a spiritual and emotional thing. It's about composing a symphonic score that resonates the ears and touches the soul. It's about finding the right words to help you paint a bigger picture so when you come back to reflect on your own self you discover a more meaningful human being. This is exactly what I'm talking about.
For those past 3 defining years of my life I have come across many tribulations trying so hard to make a name for myself. It was difficult, it was genuine, a private struggle nonetheless. Looking back, I have to tell you I've been through a shitload of situations to get to where I'm at today and become the person I am now. Never in a million year had I one). dedicated myself to an educational path with a clear direction of where and what I want to do professionally (material/computer scientist and a nanoengineer/researcher with Intel or IBM) two). become employed at one of the most prestigious engineering company in the silicon valley (Applied Materials Inc) three). drive a NEW (sorta) car bought from the dealership (man did I feel like a straight up grown man) and four). meet all the new wonderful friends whom have brought me nothing but delight and joy (you guys know who you are). I just feel so grateful for all the past and recent blessings and without them I truly wouldn't know where I would be standing today. More importantly, I think the one most significant discovery throughout these past years, months, and days is my philosophy on life. Not ever a single day do I not step out of the house and think to myself how great it'll be to touch someone's lives be it helping a friend cope with her relationshit problems, inspiring my classmates about a career in science and technology, putting a smile on the people's faces at work, or even chasing my worries away during traffic by tailgating jackasses and douches (yes I find pleasure in that...it's a testament to my awesome driving capability and control). I want people to really appreciate and know what they have in life because happiness shouldn't be sought after. Happiness, should find you. Happiness is knowing something or someone who holds a far deeper meaning than it's actual worth and face value. Happiness, as I'll quote myself to a really sweet friend, comes from realizing how bless you are even despite hardships, learning to love even through heartbreaks, and forgiving when it hurts too much and knowing with each opportunity you get in life is only a testimony to something even greater.
I have to admit, I did make a lot of regretful decisions that were against my better judgement. Some in vain, some for granted. But despite those days, you can only learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for the best tomorrow. Really, you just keep moving forward with the audacity to stay optimistic regardless of your position in life. No more girlfriend/boyfriend? No problem, muster up the courage to talk to those who you never gave a chance to! Can't find a job? Well, shit keep looking cause there will ALWAYS be a job for you and if not do what it'll take to be part of that workforce! Shitty grades? Study harder! Really people, the solutions are really simple to life. We're part of this bigger equation attempting to figure out what is best for us and how we should be the best at what we do but sometimes, and actually often, we just take the wrong steps and not on purpose too. And when we do you ask yourself, "am I really doing this right? Is this even RIGHT to begin with? What other methodologies or standards should I even abide to." It's this realm of uncertainty and doubt that people really stray away from. And because of this very reason we often do the same shit in the same circumstance expecting different results every time. Certainly, these are really tough questions to answer but if you don't stop questioning yourself you will never find an answer. Because guess what? There is really no one solve all answer to life. In fact, there's no answer at all. The only answer and solution to all your first world problems are yourself. Until you can figure yourself out then will you realize how important you are in the decision making process of life.
Ultimately, never stop questioning or doubting yourself. Life to me was about constantly questioning myself to help me realize what sort of milestones I have reached and what I can and haven't reached yet. For me, the past strike to me as interesting, some unworthy of your time, some wasteful, but more importantly some that have gave me purpose and reason. I've acquired various forms of discipline to upkeep with the questions in which I pose to myself every day. You ask, "what sort of questions?" Well, for beginners how do you light a candle back when the fire is gone? And more ambiguously, what happens when there aren't any more candle wax. Trust me, there is no easy answer. What I can suggest is a belief; it's this very belief that the longer you keep a candle on fire the more devoted you are to yourself. However, we often neglect ourselves to do other goods and deeds. We escape our own reality and troubles to help, admire, or even hurt others out there in the world as a form of positive reinforcement when in retrospect you're doing more harm to yourself than anything else. We can only do so much for everyone and that is also a glaring first world problem. We often forget about giving ourselves the attention it deserves and in turn become blindsided by all these superficial distractions. Helen Keller puts best, "when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." At such phase in life, your fire either slowly burn out or is out altogether. Your fire...is a reflection of your identity don't you let yourself forget that. It is a testament to how much you can do for yourself and what you can provide to a world crowding in darkness. When you let a fire fade you shut yourself off from the world. You find an excuse to crowd into darkness like the others without any conscious regards to yourself because there, at least you feel much more safe and secured. It's OK to be distracted but it's not OK to make such excuses to be distracted.
Having learned to not beat myself over the years about insecurity, love, work, and school, remaining optimistic and grateful despite life's bullshit can pull you through not only the dark but also help keep your fire burning. After all, you glow more as a person when you have a hopeful perspective of life. No excuse me not hopeful, but daring.
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning.”
― Albert Einstein, Relativity: The Special and the General Theory
END
It's 2012, can you believe it? Just quickly, stop yourself at this very second and moment and in 10 seconds think about all the shit that have happened to you in the past 3 years. Never had it cross my mind until much recently I would be this compelled to come back and write again. But with recent inspiring events, motivation, and that 10 second of rude awakening, I can confidently say I'm coming back to write with all good intentions. And as I sit here in real time listening to sultry music, sipping on a glass of green tea, pondering about the tiramisu from last night, basking in my crowded room with the sun radiating from the windows, I tap into my subconscious mind to let my fingers punch away at the keyboard as my lips slowly move up and down to the words as I retype and repeat these sentences. "Here I go, here it is again, this doesn't sound right, well maybe that's a bit a better," says Tan. It's more than just a thought process; it's a spiritual and emotional thing. It's about composing a symphonic score that resonates the ears and touches the soul. It's about finding the right words to help you paint a bigger picture so when you come back to reflect on your own self you discover a more meaningful human being. This is exactly what I'm talking about.
For those past 3 defining years of my life I have come across many tribulations trying so hard to make a name for myself. It was difficult, it was genuine, a private struggle nonetheless. Looking back, I have to tell you I've been through a shitload of situations to get to where I'm at today and become the person I am now. Never in a million year had I one). dedicated myself to an educational path with a clear direction of where and what I want to do professionally (material/computer scientist and a nanoengineer/researcher with Intel or IBM) two). become employed at one of the most prestigious engineering company in the silicon valley (Applied Materials Inc) three). drive a NEW (sorta) car bought from the dealership (man did I feel like a straight up grown man) and four). meet all the new wonderful friends whom have brought me nothing but delight and joy (you guys know who you are). I just feel so grateful for all the past and recent blessings and without them I truly wouldn't know where I would be standing today. More importantly, I think the one most significant discovery throughout these past years, months, and days is my philosophy on life. Not ever a single day do I not step out of the house and think to myself how great it'll be to touch someone's lives be it helping a friend cope with her relationshit problems, inspiring my classmates about a career in science and technology, putting a smile on the people's faces at work, or even chasing my worries away during traffic by tailgating jackasses and douches (yes I find pleasure in that...it's a testament to my awesome driving capability and control). I want people to really appreciate and know what they have in life because happiness shouldn't be sought after. Happiness, should find you. Happiness is knowing something or someone who holds a far deeper meaning than it's actual worth and face value. Happiness, as I'll quote myself to a really sweet friend, comes from realizing how bless you are even despite hardships, learning to love even through heartbreaks, and forgiving when it hurts too much and knowing with each opportunity you get in life is only a testimony to something even greater.
I have to admit, I did make a lot of regretful decisions that were against my better judgement. Some in vain, some for granted. But despite those days, you can only learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for the best tomorrow. Really, you just keep moving forward with the audacity to stay optimistic regardless of your position in life. No more girlfriend/boyfriend? No problem, muster up the courage to talk to those who you never gave a chance to! Can't find a job? Well, shit keep looking cause there will ALWAYS be a job for you and if not do what it'll take to be part of that workforce! Shitty grades? Study harder! Really people, the solutions are really simple to life. We're part of this bigger equation attempting to figure out what is best for us and how we should be the best at what we do but sometimes, and actually often, we just take the wrong steps and not on purpose too. And when we do you ask yourself, "am I really doing this right? Is this even RIGHT to begin with? What other methodologies or standards should I even abide to." It's this realm of uncertainty and doubt that people really stray away from. And because of this very reason we often do the same shit in the same circumstance expecting different results every time. Certainly, these are really tough questions to answer but if you don't stop questioning yourself you will never find an answer. Because guess what? There is really no one solve all answer to life. In fact, there's no answer at all. The only answer and solution to all your first world problems are yourself. Until you can figure yourself out then will you realize how important you are in the decision making process of life.
Ultimately, never stop questioning or doubting yourself. Life to me was about constantly questioning myself to help me realize what sort of milestones I have reached and what I can and haven't reached yet. For me, the past strike to me as interesting, some unworthy of your time, some wasteful, but more importantly some that have gave me purpose and reason. I've acquired various forms of discipline to upkeep with the questions in which I pose to myself every day. You ask, "what sort of questions?" Well, for beginners how do you light a candle back when the fire is gone? And more ambiguously, what happens when there aren't any more candle wax. Trust me, there is no easy answer. What I can suggest is a belief; it's this very belief that the longer you keep a candle on fire the more devoted you are to yourself. However, we often neglect ourselves to do other goods and deeds. We escape our own reality and troubles to help, admire, or even hurt others out there in the world as a form of positive reinforcement when in retrospect you're doing more harm to yourself than anything else. We can only do so much for everyone and that is also a glaring first world problem. We often forget about giving ourselves the attention it deserves and in turn become blindsided by all these superficial distractions. Helen Keller puts best, "when one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." At such phase in life, your fire either slowly burn out or is out altogether. Your fire...is a reflection of your identity don't you let yourself forget that. It is a testament to how much you can do for yourself and what you can provide to a world crowding in darkness. When you let a fire fade you shut yourself off from the world. You find an excuse to crowd into darkness like the others without any conscious regards to yourself because there, at least you feel much more safe and secured. It's OK to be distracted but it's not OK to make such excuses to be distracted.
Having learned to not beat myself over the years about insecurity, love, work, and school, remaining optimistic and grateful despite life's bullshit can pull you through not only the dark but also help keep your fire burning. After all, you glow more as a person when you have a hopeful perspective of life. No excuse me not hopeful, but daring.
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning.”
― Albert Einstein, Relativity: The Special and the General Theory
END
Monday, April 6, 2009
The Art of Being Single
The Art of Contentment
For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I’m sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested. Someone more handsome,beautiful, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you’re willing to see it through. It means you don’t walk away every time things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have. Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one. The art of contentment means you wouldn’t mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.
A Time to Know Yourself Better
Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interest and passions without having to ask another person’s approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you’re still romantically unattached. It’s all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone. Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are. How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don’t know who and what you really are?
A Choice Between Good and Best
Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it’s between good and best. Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won’t hear music, or feel magic to know who’s best for you. The heart just knows and it doesn’t need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. Being single is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.
Take Your Time, The World Will Wait
Being married doesn’t guarantee that it will make your life happy. It doesn’t guarantee anything at all. Sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. Without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you’re better off unattached.
Living Life
Don’t put your life on hold for Mr. and Mrs. Right but don’t let it waste away with Mr.or Mrs. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen to you everyday. It’s not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. Live life now. Live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. Allow life to surprise you with it’s most wonderful blessings.
#single.
For most of us, being single will be more of a phase than a final destination. This is the best place to practice the art of contentment. Someday, I’m sure most of us will fall in love and get married. But the thing is, love will always be tested. Someone more handsome,beautiful, more charming, richer, funnier, sweeter would come along. If you have not practiced the art of contentment as a single person, chances are you would be tempted to want that and not cherish your chosen one. Practicing the Art of Contentment as a single person means that you take what life gives you, good or bad, you’re willing to see it through. It means you don’t walk away every time things get tough because it builds in you patience, perseverance, understanding and a hundred different virtues that people in a hurry will never have. Being single means you would find how it feels to be alone thus, allowing you to cherish every moment you spend with your chosen one. The art of contentment means you wouldn’t mind if life had to make you wait for so long to find the love of your life, because you know that the waiting would only make the finding much sweeter.
A Time to Know Yourself Better
Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interest and passions without having to ask another person’s approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you’re still romantically unattached. It’s all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone. Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are. How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don’t know who and what you really are?
A Choice Between Good and Best
Sometimes the dilemmas we face are not between what is absolutely bad and absolutely good. Sometimes, it’s between good and best. Treat this stage of your life as a phase to evaluate who is good for you and who is best for you. Sometimes, you won’t hear music, or feel magic to know who’s best for you. The heart just knows and it doesn’t need any romantically charged scenario to decide on the matter. Trust in your heart, and trust that time will eventually lead you to, not to the perfect partner, but to the most suitable partner for you. Being single is a phase of life that we need to be thankful for, because being single means our hearts have yet to choose the best one for us.
Take Your Time, The World Will Wait
Being married doesn’t guarantee that it will make your life happy. It doesn’t guarantee anything at all. Sometimes, it only brings two miserable people together only to make their life even more miserable. Without the right intention, the emotional maturity, financial security and of course, unwavering love, you’re better off unattached.
Living Life
Don’t put your life on hold for Mr. and Mrs. Right but don’t let it waste away with Mr.or Mrs. Wrong. Life is about things that you do and happen to you everyday. It’s not about the things that could have happened but never did, or things that you think would happen in the future. Live life now. Live it to the fullest and stop beating yourself up, trying to be perfect on a Saturday night date. Allow life to surprise you with it’s most wonderful blessings.
#single.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The Resolution
So spring quarter officially starts tomorrow. Though I'm a bit afraid of what lies ahead of me, all I can do is view this fear as an opportunity. These past months, I've been blessed with all these hindrances and 'spirit-crushers'; I have never felt so put down in my life. To be able to follow through, put up with the BS, and forget these worries, I can honestly say it's a good feeling. However, there's always that small thing that gets you and sometimes you can't get over it. Hopefully, I can sort out these problems more effectively and not have to worry and be carefree. Course being carefree per se is a total different connotation from being careless. Let's just hope I don't fall under the careless category these next 3 months.
Some things I'd like to update and talk about: my expectations. I know I have talked about how much of a failure and fuck-up I was and because of this change is the only solution to this problem of mine. I know I have to be the change I want to see but is this just another excuse for me to really not...care? Or better yet, worry? I seriously hope this isn't another hoax, conspiracy, or even facade! Sigh* Just do it and everything will be fine, right? Some of the things I'd like to see these upcoming months: 1) End procrastination 2) Better time management 3) BUDGET! 4) Study my ASS off (ok I'll admit, I didn't do as much last quarter but this time it'll be a different story) 4) shoot for straight A's (despite how much of a BS next quarter is) 5) get a job (or go back to reffing as last resort) 6) Pay off debts (I owe so many people money and apologize for the inconvenience!) 7) Sleep 7-8hrs consistently. 8) Meditate & workout 9) Master Prioritization (THIS, is a must).
I have to admit, last quarter I had it good when it came down to my financial situation. Now, everything just sizzled and I am a broke fucker. No, seriously, I have absolutely no money at all. I can't let this fiscal crisis be a burden and stress me out. I believe that everything will find it's way. Like love, money will come. The mantra for these upcoming weeks and maybe months: don't worry, be happy.
Furthermore, I want to express my apologies to the team for my lack of commitment for this upcoming month. They know my current situation right now and there are some things I'd like to prioritize first before diving head first into practices. Also, I want express my gratitude to the people I have met thus far in this team. I wrote a little excerpt for this website and I hope you guys can see where I'm coming from on this one:
"Blood, sweat, and tears; the constant drama, bitter bickering, and endless fights. In lieu this may all seem as if we were in some soap opera but it's what my teammate and I undergo every time something goes awry. Through this we have learned from each other, grown on one another, and matured all together. Today, we have overcome our biggest feats yet succeeding consistently in a regional league. Because of our hardships, we realize the true potential in not only each individuals, but as a collective group. We strive to perform and represent what's best: our pride, respect, camaraderie, sponsors, and more importantly our community. To be able to shed insight on those who have little to no knowledge of what it is like being in a team. This is Paintball: the reason why our brotherhood has become the victim of its own success."
Yesterday, we had our practice since the last tournament (which was 3 weeks ago) and when we played together I can see the fluidity in our team. We played off each-other, communicated, and played like an actual team. It was truly an inspirational scene and moment. To see us at our brightest moments we can only shine some more in the future. Textbook and gumption gentlemen--right here right now. Love you bitches. No homo.
I should really sleep now, I have to wake up at 6 in the morning from now on every monday and wednesday for chem. Crappy thing is I have calc at 6pm so it'll be a rather long hefty day. But Ghandi once said, "patience is self-suffering." So a little bit of enduring and patience and things will be fine in the end. Everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end, right?
Remember to treat opportunities as not a burden but rather a time to see change. You want good? Then expect good. You want results? Then seek results. You want respect? Then earn respect. Half-ass will not suffice until you've reached the endpoint.
The most philosophical and longest blog to date. I hope I can look back at this when in times of doubt or whatever the situation may be and tell myself, "hey, everything is ok, you're better than this."
Some things I'd like to update and talk about: my expectations. I know I have talked about how much of a failure and fuck-up I was and because of this change is the only solution to this problem of mine. I know I have to be the change I want to see but is this just another excuse for me to really not...care? Or better yet, worry? I seriously hope this isn't another hoax, conspiracy, or even facade! Sigh* Just do it and everything will be fine, right? Some of the things I'd like to see these upcoming months: 1) End procrastination 2) Better time management 3) BUDGET! 4) Study my ASS off (ok I'll admit, I didn't do as much last quarter but this time it'll be a different story) 4) shoot for straight A's (despite how much of a BS next quarter is) 5) get a job (or go back to reffing as last resort) 6) Pay off debts (I owe so many people money and apologize for the inconvenience!) 7) Sleep 7-8hrs consistently. 8) Meditate & workout 9) Master Prioritization (THIS, is a must).
I have to admit, last quarter I had it good when it came down to my financial situation. Now, everything just sizzled and I am a broke fucker. No, seriously, I have absolutely no money at all. I can't let this fiscal crisis be a burden and stress me out. I believe that everything will find it's way. Like love, money will come. The mantra for these upcoming weeks and maybe months: don't worry, be happy.
Furthermore, I want to express my apologies to the team for my lack of commitment for this upcoming month. They know my current situation right now and there are some things I'd like to prioritize first before diving head first into practices. Also, I want express my gratitude to the people I have met thus far in this team. I wrote a little excerpt for this website and I hope you guys can see where I'm coming from on this one:
"Blood, sweat, and tears; the constant drama, bitter bickering, and endless fights. In lieu this may all seem as if we were in some soap opera but it's what my teammate and I undergo every time something goes awry. Through this we have learned from each other, grown on one another, and matured all together. Today, we have overcome our biggest feats yet succeeding consistently in a regional league. Because of our hardships, we realize the true potential in not only each individuals, but as a collective group. We strive to perform and represent what's best: our pride, respect, camaraderie, sponsors, and more importantly our community. To be able to shed insight on those who have little to no knowledge of what it is like being in a team. This is Paintball: the reason why our brotherhood has become the victim of its own success."
Yesterday, we had our practice since the last tournament (which was 3 weeks ago) and when we played together I can see the fluidity in our team. We played off each-other, communicated, and played like an actual team. It was truly an inspirational scene and moment. To see us at our brightest moments we can only shine some more in the future. Textbook and gumption gentlemen--right here right now. Love you bitches. No homo.
I should really sleep now, I have to wake up at 6 in the morning from now on every monday and wednesday for chem. Crappy thing is I have calc at 6pm so it'll be a rather long hefty day. But Ghandi once said, "patience is self-suffering." So a little bit of enduring and patience and things will be fine in the end. Everything is ok in the end, if it's not ok, then it's not the end, right?
Remember to treat opportunities as not a burden but rather a time to see change. You want good? Then expect good. You want results? Then seek results. You want respect? Then earn respect. Half-ass will not suffice until you've reached the endpoint.
The most philosophical and longest blog to date. I hope I can look back at this when in times of doubt or whatever the situation may be and tell myself, "hey, everything is ok, you're better than this."
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Epiphany
I knew it, I saw it, and it came. I didn't figure it would hit me this hard. There are so many things going on with my life right now and it's absolutely overwhelming. Life feels really unbalanced right now....And as much as I want to set my priorities straight and pave the right path for myself, I always end up losing in hindsight. I know I'm better than this, I really am. But it has always been the case where I'm just a sore loser and a fuck up in the end. Till this very day I have yet to fix it and instead let such things drag me down even some more. Why? Why do I always put myself in the same constant situations--it's inevitable. I need to sit down and really contemplate hard about this because it's affecting not only my life but others around me as well. There is this thing called integrity, a call to truth. And what is there to truth that I can't really grasp? I know what it is and it's holding me back. And there is responsibility, a whole different matter and issue which correlates with integrity. Being held accountable and punctual about things; knowing what's more and least important. Throughout life we learn what really matters and don't. But one thing we always ignore is the simple fact that it's not really about what matters or not. Rather, it's about knowing why these things matter and why some do not. Weird how I may know so much but in hindsight I lose all grasp of these concepts or philosophy if you will. It's as if I have come to accept my karma already when I haven't done anything. It's because I know what's bound to happen. How many wake-up calls do I fucking need? I've had too many of them already and it's at the point where I'm at the brink of just giving up entirely. I can hope but hopes come a very long way. I can say these things but words are nothing but proclamations. I can wine but it'll get me no where. What I can do is begin to appreciate why these things are the way the are and how it manifested itself. Right now, it's not a very pleasant scene and it's a genuine disappointment. What I can do is let my actions speak for itself because I believe actions speaks louder than words. No, they really do. I don't deserve chances and I shouldn't. What I should deserve is the sort of change I want to see for myself. That is, become successful in whatever I do in life without taking any shortcuts and excuses. The time is always now. It's not about tomorrow or yesterday, it's about what we make of it today and that is the change. Sac the fuck up Tan and let's handle shit the RIGHT WAY.
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